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February 8, 2020 monster

Things Goblins Do

cw: sadism, violence, cruelty to animals and children,

goblins aren’t cute. goblins aren’t fun. goblins are fucking horrible.

they live in trash and build scrap-iron shivs. they lurk and crawl and titter in sadistic glee. a goblin can fit through a hole the size of a shilling given enough time. a goblin will stab another to see if the growth on it’s face bleeds differently.

1hd / ac as armour / damage as weapon / morale 6 / 2d6 appearing

roll d66 (2d6 with the first dice being the tens and the second being the units)

d66 What Goblins Do
11 Steal the clothes from your children and pretend to be them.
12 Kill the family dog and nail it’s face to your door.
13 Put poison in the fireplace whilst you sleep and stab you whilst you escape the poison smoke.
14 Hamstring the horses whilst they sleep so you can’t go and get help.
15 Shit in your well.
16 Put razor-blades in fruit still on the tree.
21 Breed rats for violence and make them fight.
22 Steal your baby and wear them as armour.
23 Capture birds and snap their beaks.
24 Collect the genitalia of their victims.
25 Crawl under the floorboards and stick needles through the gaps.
26 Slither down the chimney, steal a hammer and nail your ankle to the bed.
31 Kill the prize bull, slit open it’s belly and wait there for you.
32 Ring your house in lantern oil and set it ablaze.
33 Leave one alive to tell you what they saw.
34 Strangle you six or seven times before getting bored and smashing your skull in.
35 Eat your fingers, toes, ears nose and eyes and cauterize the wounds.
36 Tie you to the corpse of your friend with barbed wire.
41 Fill a bag with cats and bludgeon you with it.
42 Skin your back and your feet and throw you in the ocean.
43 Remodel your face after their own with a knife and a hammer.
44 Worm into the space between the walls and listen to you at your most intimate.
45 Ejaculate in your books so the pages are ruined.
46 Hide from everyone but you until you are isolated and distrusted.
51 Smear pigs in pitch and ride them towards you, holding a torch.
52 Tattoo your face and hands with their goblin scrawl.
53 Replace your dice with weighted ones and mark your cards.
54 Hang the weakest of their band from the rafters of a church, waiting above for you to cut down the corpse.
55 Leave the corpses of animals on your doorstep.
56 Set dogshit alight and throw it at you.
61 Piss in the alecask.
62 Leave your chicken coop open for the fox.
63 Pull moles out of their holes and hide in their burrows.
64 Hold tadpoles in their mouths until they grow legs - and then eat them.
65 Scream every night to stop you sleeping.
66 Give your child a knife.
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